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George Carlin Quotes

Please enjoy these encouraging quotes by George Carlin.

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Cute Whimsey Cynical

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

 

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

You cannot do a kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins is the one who thinks he can.
- Anonymous

As soon as you trust yourself,
you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Act the way you'd like to be
and soon you'll be the way you act.
- Leonard Cohen

Knowledge is soon changed, then lost in the mist, an echo half-heard.
- Gene Wolfe

As soon as there is life there is danger.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
you shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We should meet abuse by forbearance.
Human nature is so constituted that
if we take absolutely no notice of anger or abuse,
the person indulging in it will soon weary of it and stop.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

As soon as man does not take his existence for granted,
but beholds it as something
unfathomably mysterious, thought begins.
- Albert Schweitzer

If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,
but that we wait so long to begin it.
- Anonymous

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein

A people that values its privileges
above its principles
soon loses both.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity.
At what point have you tried your best,
and it's time to do something different?
It's a balance - a paradox.
If you get in the habit of giving up
as soon as something gets difficult,
your life won't work,
but if you keep tilting at windmills -
madly trying the same thing again and again,
your life also won't work.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

I am but a grain of sand on the beach of life.
My footprints in the sands of time soon wash away.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

A truly good book teaches me better than to read it.
I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint.
What I began by reading, I must finish by acting.
- Henry David Thoreau

Truth is by nature self-evident.
As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance
that surround it, it shines clear.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

There never was and is not likely soon to be
a nation of philosophers,
nor am I certain it is desirable that there should be.
- Henry David Thoreau

On His Blindness:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
- John Milton (1608-1674)

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You will not be punished for your anger,
you will be punished by your anger.
- The Buddha

Whatever you do, do with kindness.
Whatever you say, say with kindness.
Wherever you go, radiate kindness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

If you aren't in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
- Jim Carrey

If you want to be happy, be.
- Leo Tolstoy

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

You can't cross the sea merely by
standing and staring at the water.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Listen to the compass of your heart.
All you need lies within you.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

You change your life by changing your heart.
- Max Lucado

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Change what you see,
by changing how you see.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.
- Joseph Campbell


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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