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Billy Connolly Quotes

Please enjoy these encouraging quotes by Billy Connolly.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again,
so is a bicycle repair kit.
- Billy Connolly

Related topics: Marriage

I love Los Angeles.
It reinvents itself every two days.
- Billy Connolly

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey...
Doesn't try it on.
- Billy Connolly

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
- Billy Connolly

 

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
- Billy Connolly

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra...
I'm never likely to go there.
- Billy Connolly

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
- Billy Connolly

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
- Billy Connolly

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
- Billy Connolly

I loved Japan.
I used to read a lot about it when I was a child.
And I always wanted to go.
And it was delightful.
I absolutely loved it.
What a smashing place.
- Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels, no.
But I do have a wee parking angel.
It's on my dashboard and you wind it up.
The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space.
It's worked so far.
- Billy Connolly

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door.
I get my share.
I've done okay.
But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
- Billy Connolly

I'm a citizen of the world.
I like it that way.
The world's a wonderful.
I just think that some people are pretty badly represented.
But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful.
They all want so little.
- Billy Connolly

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can
listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
- Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing.
I don't want to say I don't believe in God,
but I don't think I do.
But I believe in people who do.
- Billy Connolly

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow;
redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
- Billy Connolly

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s
in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism,
I wanted to see New York being built.
I wanted to see all that, you know.
- Billy Connolly

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities.
I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
- Billy Connolly

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god,
and he's telling them all different things.
- Billy Connolly

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what
the army does with those wee red knives.
- Billy Connolly

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a
nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
- Billy Connolly

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of
becoming passionate friends.
- Harville Hendrix

When you make the sacrifice in marriage,
you're sacrificing not to each other
but to unity in a relationship.
- Joseph Campbell

For a happy marriage,
love and accept your spouse just the way they are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our loved ones -
whether by blood, by marriage, or by choice -
are delicate treasures.
If we hold them too close, they break -
as a butterfly would.
By honoring and enjoying
the freedom of our loved ones,
we gain our own freedom.
Have the courage to trust that
the beautiful butterflies of your life
will return - or not - as life intends.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The hardest of all, is learning to be
a well of affection, and not a fountain,
to show them that we love them,
not when we feel like it, but when they do.
- Nan Fairbrother

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect,
nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant

Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
- James C. Dobson

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

The fewer secrets you have, the happier you will be.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You are my home - the place to which I always return.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Gift the love of your life with undistracted,
untelevisioned, unhurried attentiveness.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied
by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.
- Iris Murdoch

Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors.
It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you.
Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do.
Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave,
and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude.
Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

A dream you dream alone is only a dream.
A dream you dream together becomes reality.
- John Lennon

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

A divorce is like an amputation:
you survive it, but there's less of you.
- Margaret Atwood

Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you.
Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires.
Love imposes no demands.
Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand - "Make me feel whole."
Love expands beyond the limits of two people.
Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.
- Deepak Chopra in The Path to Love

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

I used to tell my husband that,
if he could make me "understand" something,
it would be clear to all the other people in the country.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him.
After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
- Marilyn Monroe

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Love is often the fruit of marriage.
- Moliere

Marriage is not just spiritual communion,
it is also remembering to take out the trash.
- Joyce Brothers

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written
in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
- Beverley Nichols

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
- Alan King

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx

Marriage is a gamble, let's be honest.
- Yoko Ono

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".
- Herbert Spencer

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out
of love with him or he falls out of love with you,
it keeps you together until you fall in again.
- Judith Viorst

Marriage should be a duet - when one sings,
the other claps.
- Joe Murray

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place.
- Helen Gahagan

When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
- James A. Baldwin

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of
you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns,
then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
- Bill Cosby


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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