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Andy Rooney Quotes

Please enjoy these encouraging quotes by Andy Rooney.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney

Related topics: Pet

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things,
but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney

The dullest Olympic sport is curling,
whatever 'curling' means.
- Andy Rooney

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
- Andy Rooney

 

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
- Andy Rooney

Death is a distant rumor to the young.
- Andy Rooney

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
- Andy Rooney

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I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
- Andy Rooney

Don't rule out working with your hands.
It does not preclude using your head.
- Andy Rooney

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper.
About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer
is garbage that no one ever reads.
- Andy Rooney

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
- Andy Rooney

If you smile when no one else is around,
you really mean it.
- Andy Rooney

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
- Andy Rooney

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged;
it makes me think that the chef is spending too much
time arranging and not enough time cooking.
If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
- Andy Rooney

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things
no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving
America a new sense of purpose.
- Andy Rooney

Taxes are important.
President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind.
Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of
people they wish they were one of.
- Andy Rooney

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra
and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
- Andy Rooney

The federal government has sponsored research that
has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect,
except that you can't eat it.
We should make every effort to make sure this disease,
often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
- Andy Rooney

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though
and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing
this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
- Andy Rooney

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine,
and it's probably a good thing.
We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds.
Some of the professionals are bad enough.
- Andy Rooney

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch.
It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the
players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey.
There are usually more fights than there are points.
- Andy Rooney

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort -
the opening,
terror.
Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing -
the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
- Andy Rooney

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened.
If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
- Andy Rooney

I don't think the government is out to get me or help
someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if
they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something.
I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
- Andy Rooney

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census
form when it comes in the mail next month.
If you don't return the form the area you live in might
get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen,
would you.
- Andy Rooney

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper,
I ask if they have any aged pepper.
- Andy Rooney

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us.
Teachers have thousands of people who remember them
for the rest of their lives.
- Andy Rooney

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets,
and the first thing is we try the phone book.
- Andy Rooney

People will generally accept facts as truth only if
the facts agree with what they already believe.
- Andy Rooney

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television.
It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet.
A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
- Andy Rooney

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the
whole business because an army always tries to eliminate
the individual differences in men.
- Andy Rooney

We're all proud of making little mistakes.
It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
- Andy Rooney

The only people who say worse things about politicians
that reporters do are other politicians.
- Andy Rooney

All men are not created equal but should be treated
as though they were under the law.
- Andy Rooney

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance
of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- Andy Rooney

Obscenities...
I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't
think of what they want to say and they're frustrated.
A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart -
want to be just one of the boys.
- Andy Rooney

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching
the grass grow on the greens.
- Andy Rooney

Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves.
But deep down below the surface of the average conscience
a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.
- Carl Jung

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that
he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant
intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.
- Sigmund Freud

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking

The average American is nothing if not patriotic.
- Herbert Croly

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at
seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
- Jean Kerr

I am regularly asked what the average Internet user
can do to ensure his security.
My first answer is usually 'Nothing;
you're screwed'.
- Bruce Scheneier

A fairly bright boy is far more intelligent and far
better company than the average adult.
- John B. S. Haldane

Under the Environmental Protection Agency's Energy Star Program,
homes are independently verified to be measurably more
energy efficient than average houses.
- Melissa Bean

America believes in education: the average professor
earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
- Evan Esar

The sanity of the average banquet speaker lasts about two and a half months;
at the end of that time he begins to mutter to himself,
and calls out in his sleep.
- James Thurber

Working mothers do an hour more per day than working
fathers do and working mothers do on average an hour
more per day with the kids than working fathers do.
- James Levine

I'm an utterly average, total geek.
- Julia Roberts

The average is that which no person quite ever is.
- Robert Anton Wilson

The average Hollywood film star's ambition is to be admired by an American,
courted by an Italian, married to an Englishman and have a French boyfriend.
- Katharine Hepburn

I abhor averages.
I like the individual case.
A man may have six meals one day and none the next,
making an average of three meals per day,
but that is not a good way to live.
- Louis D. Brandeis

Startling, and alarming to many, is the conclusion
that follows from these data that if all people were treated the same,
most average race differences would not disappear.
- J. Philippe Rushton

Americans are apt to be unduly interested in discovering
what average opinion believes average opinion to be.
- John Maynard Keynes

Refuse to be average.
Let your heart soar as high as it will.
- Aiden Wilson Tozer

In addition, California spends nearly $1 billion a
year in Medi-Cal services for an average of 780,000
illegal immigrants a month,
over and above emergency health services.
- Elton Gallegly

Many highly intelligent people are poor thinkers.
Many people of average intelligence are skilled thinkers.
The power of a car is separate from the way the car is driven.
- Edward de Bono

The average rap life is two or three albums.
You're lucky to get to your second album in rap!
- Jay Z

In reality, serial killers are of average intelligence.
- Pat Brown

The average person's ear weighs what you are,
not what you were.
- Francis Quarles

The average man's judgment is so poor,
he runs a risk every time he uses it.
- Edgar Watson Howe

Good leadership consists of showing average people
how to do the work of superior people.
- John D. Rockefeller

I learned that kids in show business are so different from regular,
average students.
They would gather behind you and help you to succeed in any way possible.
- Wally George

And it's difficult for the average American to understand
why something like that could be so important and why
a little small place like Taiwan would be so important to the PRC.
- Fred Thompson


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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