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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Please enjoy these encouraging quotes by Ambrose Bierce.

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Related topics: Legal

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
- Ambrose Bierce

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
- Ambrose Bierce

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
- Ambrose Bierce

 

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
- Ambrose Bierce

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
- Ambrose Bierce

Mad, adj.
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
- Ambrose Bierce

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Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
- Ambrose Bierce

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
- Ambrose Bierce

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce

When you doubt, abstain.
- Ambrose Bierce

Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
- Ambrose Bierce

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
- Ambrose Bierce

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels,
levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
- Ambrose Bierce

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
- Ambrose Bierce

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
- Ambrose Bierce

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
- Ambrose Bierce

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather,
and exposing them to the critic.
- Ambrose Bierce

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
- Ambrose Bierce

The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
- Ambrose Bierce

Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.
- Ambrose Bierce

Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise
in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
- Ambrose Bierce

Women in love are less ashamed than men.
They have less to be ashamed of.
- Ambrose Bierce

Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
- Ambrose Bierce

The covers of this book are too far apart.
- Ambrose Bierce

Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
- Ambrose Bierce

Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.
- Ambrose Bierce

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
- Ambrose Bierce

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves,
and good fortune to others.
- Ambrose Bierce

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master,
a mistress, and two slaves, making in all,
two.
- Ambrose Bierce

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
- Ambrose Bierce

History is an account, mostly false,
of events,
mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers,
mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
- Ambrose Bierce

Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
- Ambrose Bierce

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
- Ambrose Bierce

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
- Ambrose Bierce

Doubt is the father of invention.
- Ambrose Bierce

Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.
- Ambrose Bierce

Laziness.
Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
- Ambrose Bierce

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Architect.
One who drafts a plan of your house,
and plans a draft of your money.
- Ambrose Bierce

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and
come out of as a sausage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
- Ambrose Bierce

Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
- Ambrose Bierce

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.
- Ambrose Bierce

Impiety.
Your irreverence toward my deity.
- Ambrose Bierce

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
- Ambrose Bierce

Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
- Ambrose Bierce

Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a
right-hand pocket or a left.
- Ambrose Bierce

Litigant.
A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
- Ambrose Bierce

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power
to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
- Ambrose Bierce

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
- Ambrose Bierce

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils,
as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
- Ambrose Bierce

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
- Ambrose Bierce

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils
his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
- Ambrose Bierce

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way,
commonly with the property of another.
- Ambrose Bierce

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
- Ambrose Bierce

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
- Ambrose Bierce

A man is known by the company he organizes.
- Ambrose Bierce

Absence blots people out.
We really have no absent friends.
- Ambrose Bierce

An egotist is a person of low taste -
more interested in himself than in me.
- Ambrose Bierce

Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
- Ambrose Bierce

Death is not the end.
There remains the litigation over the estate.
- Ambrose Bierce

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor
upon the business known as gambling.
- Ambrose Bierce

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates
some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
- Ambrose Bierce

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's
resemblance to ourselves.
- Ambrose Bierce

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit
without individual responsibility.
- Ambrose Bierce

Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
- Ambrose Bierce

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
- Ambrose Bierce

Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
- Ambrose Bierce

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
- Ambrose Bierce

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and
disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
- Ambrose Bierce


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